Everyone think their mom is the coolest. But mine really is. When I was growing up, she was gorgeous, funny, and knew all the latest songs. Nothing was off-limits to her. She talked frankly about sex with me (and on two occasions, she had it, loudly, during my slumber parties. I told my girls she was having a nightmare). She actually inserted my first tampon into my thirteen year old chacha, and when I lost my virginity at 18 (obvs I called her the next morning), she said, “Have you done it with you on top yet? Chevalier women have tilted uteruses — uterusi? — and somehow that position just feels right!” It was her openness, her constant, unflagging support that made me feel like I could do anything — move to NYC two weeks after graduation, quit my life at 26 and flee for Europe, undergo IVF for three harrowing years (it’s not just you, Giuliana) — because I’d always have a safety net.
There’s a Hasidic Jewish woman somewhere in Williamsburg who feels the same way. When I was in the hospital after giving birth to Lina Bobina, my roommate was a shy girl named Rachel. She couldn’t have been more than 21. Her baby boy wouldn’t latch on to her nipple and she kept ringing the buzzer for help. But her voice was so quiet, the nurses couldn’t hear her. Rachel began to cry, and my mom threw down her Us Weekly and announced “I’m going in.”
She walked purposefully over to Rachel’s side of the room, pulled the curtain and stayed in there for a good twenty minutes (I was barely paying attention, I was high on Demerol and Golden Girls was on). Finally, she emerged looking triumphant.
Me: He’s nursing now?
Mom: Yep! I told her exactly what to do. But I really can’t believe I just whipped out my breasts in front of a stranger.
Me: You didn’t. Tell me you didn’t.
Mom, indignant: I didn’t nurse him, I just showed Rachel where his mouth needs to go! If you were alone in a hospital with no one to help you, I’d want a kind Hasidic mother to expose her breasts and teach you how to nurse!
That’s my mom. I love her madly. Happy Mother’s Day, Mama Andi!
And now, my top four favorite last-minute Mother’s Day gifts…all with Saturday delivery shipping:
FOR THE MOMMY WITH A SWEET TOOTH:
Me! Bath Mini Ice Cream Sct ($32) comes with adorable, fruity-scented balls (hee-hee, sounds funny) that make your bathwater all fizzy when you drop ’em in. Like glamorous alka selzer.
FOR THE FANCY MOMMY:
Dior’s Garden Clutch Makeup Palette ($75) is not cheap, but my goodness, it’s lovely. Between the roses imprinted in the eyeshadows and the gorgeous heaviness of the compact, the whole thing just feels rich. It’ll look marvelous on her vanity.
FOR THE SPA-LOVING MOMMY:
Bliss’ Triple Oxygen Starter Kit ($46) is an at-home version of the spa’s world-famous, celeb-loving Triple Oxygen Facial. It comes with these radiance-boosting miracle workers: Triple Oxygen Instant Energizing Cleansing Foam, Instant Energizing Mask, Instant Energizing Eye Gel and Triple Oxygen+C Energizing Cream. She’ll love it.
FOR THE FRAGRANCE JUNKIE MOMMY:
Archipelago Botanicals Signature Gift Sets ($22) come with totally intoxicating home fragrance oils and reeds to help diffuse the scent throughout the room (somehow, the oil gets sucked up into them and released into the air. I don’t know, it works). Adds a pretty touch to any room.