Up until recently, I’ve had no patience for Kimmy hate. Wait…I’m not saying I’m on her #team or anything, just saying that hating on her is more indicative of one’s own issues than hers. Yeah, she’s boring and has negligible intelligence and is lying, just lying, about her ass and the wedding thing was fucking Satanic…but honestly? If you had an evil genius Doberman-ager mom who promised to turn your supernaturally stunning looks and embarrassingly slackjawed sex tape into a bazillion dollar business – would you say no?
Madame, you’re lying. You know you’d be all over it. So don’t judge.
And yet here I come. Judging. I don’t know, yesterday I was lazily scrolling through my Twitter feed and noticed this:
@KimKardashian Rain rain go away.
A very small, benign statement that sent me careening over the edge. Look, I know I’ve tweeted some dumb shit. But I don’t think I – or any of the patently amazing women I know – would ever glance at a cloudy, grey sky and even think “rain rain go away,” let alone take it to Twitter. Kim! You big dummy! This is the great wit that’s mesmerized one of the most lauded creative minds of our generation? When black women were furious about her boning all those black athletes, I couldn’t have cared less. What sucks is that she bagged the genius.
Then I proceeded to get annoyed at her for all kinds of things she can’t even help (I can’t pay my mortgage? Yo fuck Kim Kardashian!!). But seriously, beyond the intelligence inequity, I hate the look of Kimye. Sorry. To a generation of young black girls, they reinforce the idea that they never have a chance with an interesting black man — because all he wants is an ethnically ambiguous blow up doll (I won’t even get into a bar conversation I overhead, where a group of black finance douches listed their girlfriend requirements – the top of which was that the girl be mixed with something “exotic.” Plain old mulatto isn’t even poppin’ anymore! And a “regular” black chick? Invisible…no matter how beautiful, intelligent or charming). Kanye doesn’t want a dazzling black woman, a girl that looks like his beloved mom – and this is not helping the self esteem of the teen girls doing unsavory things to afford slapping the world’s worst weave in their heads, or inflating their asses to kartoonish proportions. And really, Yeezy? You’re a writer, a lyricist, a poet! RAIN RAIN GO AWAY?
I will not address ClosetMakeoverGate. We’d be here all day.
Here’s hoping twelve-year old black girls skip over this Kimye debacle and fetishize Michelle and Barack, instead. Or Jay and Bey (I’d say Denzel and Paulette, but they’re so Nineties — and besides he cheated on her so extravagantly that they no longer count). Both men fell for their equals, their exact counterparts. That’s hot. Kim and Kanye are financial equals (and there’s something to be said for that), but that’s it. Eww. I just hate them.