We all know I’m a beauty girl. I do enjoy fashion, but for me, epic highlights or a show-stopping nail or somesuch is vastly more delightful to me than copping the new Isabel Marant Kate Wedge Boots (though I really want those, too, goddamnit). You also know that in terms of makeup, I’m partial to bronzey, sunkissed neutrals. Copper-kissed lids, peachy-bronze cheeks and lashes DOWN. But lips? Lips are a different story. Since I keep the rest of my face so sparkly-nude, I’m always pushing for a bold n’ brilliant lip. Think vivid velvety crimson, take-no-prisoners tangerine, bubblegum pink for your nerves, etc. Lips as event.
You can imagine my disappointment when Handsome Gentleman revealed in one of our first conversations that he is not a fan of event lips.[Wait…who’s Handsome Gentleman? Eagle-eyed SYB Babes might have noticed that I’ve mentioned him here and there. Quick back story: HG is a dizzyingly charming and hot person with whom I went on one date in August. The date was disturbingly good, but I was prepared to relegate it to a tasty little footnote, since I was having surgery four days later and was going to be in recovery for two weeks. I was about to be a swollen, disfigured, hypermedicated mess and in no shape for a second date, so what was the point? Turns out, I didn’t have a choice. HG refused to stay away, even though my face resembled the Great Pumpkin. He visited, we FaceTimed. He wooed, I swooned. And the moral of the story is, everyone should try meeting someone when they’re at their most busted. It’s instant sink or swim, and it seems I have a Lochte on my hands. #wheeee]
Anyway, yeah, before he’d even seen me in a fierce fuschia gloss, he revealed the following in a random convo about unenjoyable makeout sessions.
HG: …and I just remember that she had this really greasy, really bright orange lipstick on and it was just all bad.
Me: So, what was bad, the greasiness or the brightness?
HG: Both, but really the brightness. Loud lips…why?
Me, not understanding the question: Why? Wait…you don’t think loud lips are sexy?
HG: I mean…I feel like it looks like a woman’s overcompensating for some reason. I don’t know, I just like natural beauty. If you’re naturally beautiful, you wouldn’t need to go so hard.
Me, thinking: Silly man, how little you know of women and their primping habits. It takes thirty minutes to create the ‘natural beauty’ of which you speak.
Me: It’s not about needing to wear bold lips, it’s about wanting to. It’s a trend, it’s chic!
HG: Says who?
Me: Women and gay men.
HG: People who are uninterested in kissing you.
Fair enough. But now I feel stuck. I am soooooooooooo not about to change my style for a man. I attempted to do this when I was married, and we all know how that ended. And yet…if I know HG isn’t excited about kissing lips slathered in Make Up Forever Iconic Red Aqua Rouge, then why would I wear it? Of course, in all fairness, he’s never seen me in it…I have a feeling that he’d find me quite kissable slathered in mustard. Sigh. Such a conundrum. How do you feel about this?