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Elections, Excuses & Slipped Wires!

Hi ladies!  Welcome to the only blog post today that has nothing to do with the election (too nervous to discuss it…no, please…SILENCE, I mean it!). Also, I need to clear some things up. Yes, I’ve been totally MIA for like two weeks and I’m so, so sorry. I’ve missed you terribly, and I stand before you contrite and begging your forgiveness. Here are the excuses:

A.) I was in the process of moving Bobina and all our worldly possessions across Brooklyn to our new spizzot in Bed Stuy. It’s super-cute and we’re like five blocks from Devon/Brownie (who’s due to have her second baby next week — the first Williams boy, huzzah!). Bee tee dub, I couldn’t have decorated without Etsy. How cute is this pillow?

I’m ikat everything right now.

B.) Sandy. That bitch. We’re totally fine — Brooklyn was mercifully spared the brunt of the power and flooding issues — but no writing was popping off during my week at home with Bobina, her new Fisher Price microphone and her nonstop, nonsensical monologue-ing (“I the QUEEEN of Madagascar! I like to move it, move it…my friends like to move it, move it…Mommy, you like to move it, move it? No, Mommies just make toast and go to works on the G train. Guh-guh-geeee for GELLYFISH…!!”).

Read all about my surgery in the Nov. issue of Marie Claire!

C.) Um…I had a slight complication with my migraine surgery. As many of you know, I had a kinda extreme surgery where two small wires were implanted under my skin at each temple (long story short: the wires subtly vibrate, distracting my brain from receiving pain waves). Anyway, the tiny wires attach to bigger ones that run all the way down my side — under my skin, of course — and attach to a battery pack lodged in my butt cheek, which controls the whole operation. WELL. You’ll never believe what happened.

Somehow the little wire at my left temple slipped out of place. Way out of place. Like, down under my ear. When my doc showed me the X-ray, I was shocked. And immediately worried that…umm…actividad del sexual might be the culprit. But my doc assured me that anything could’ve caused the wire to slip. I could’ve turned my head too hard and dislodged it, or something. The real problem is that my battery pack is so far away from my temples, so it’s easy to pull the wires out of place (the battery’s usually implanted in the chest but I’m too skinny, so it would show). So long story short, my head has been killing me and I have to have ANOTHER surgery to slide the wire back up in place.

Anyway…so that’s where I’ve been, but I’m back!! And totally in love with Shea Moisture Argan Oil & Raw Shea Eczema, Psoriasis & Dry Skin Relief Soak ($10.99, at Target). When the cold weather first hits, both me and Bobina’s skin gets super-ashy, dry and scaly. Lotions and body creams sometimes just sit ontop of our skin and don’t really do anything, you know? This deeply moisturizing and soothing soak does exactly that — moisturizes and soothes — so much so that we really don’t even need lotion after the bath! But, obvs, we apply it anyway (do it while your skin is still damp from the bath/shower, the hydration will last longer). Plus, it smells like spa day sensuality, shameless indulgence and nowhere to go. You’ll love!!!

Barack the vote y’all. Or at least rock these Obama hoops, a’la Beyonce! I tracked down the designer…Erika Pena, buy them here!!  xxoo, Tia

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  1. Andrea
    November 6, 2012 6:05 pm 

    I figured something was up when you said the word “sheepishly.” Handle your business, Miss T-Breezy!

  2. Tiffiany
    November 7, 2012 3:17 pm 

    Awww, Tia. I knew something was wrong but hoped there was nothing wrong with your migraine surgery. Feel better soon!

  3. Heather
    November 9, 2012 3:43 pm 

    AuntieFriend Tia, I’m sorry but there were parts of Brooklyn that were hit bad–I know, I know, some think that Brooklyn is only Bed-Stuy but dear there is so much more. Alas that Bitch Sandy jacked up too many places and caused stress. But anyhoo, I must try this soak. I’ve had eczema my whole life (trigged by stress like the aforementioned That Bitch Sandy) and need some relief.

    BTW, I love how you threw in there that you were being ahem, intimate. Glad you are back in the saddle (every pun intended) 🙂

  4. B
    November 17, 2012 1:12 am 

    Hi, I read your story in Marie Claire and just wanted to say I am so glad you have found some relief from your migraines. I just read how you must have your wires fixed but I hope you continue to find yourself in a better place. Thank you for your story. I have struggled with migraines for over 20 years, only getting medication that helps subside them just a few years ago, and that doesn’t always work. I can only imagine the pain you have gone through, since I have been there. Good luck to you, just want to say I appreciate reading about someone that has a similar struggle and I am not the only one out there.