So yeah, I’ve been away forever. Hospital, again. Sandy ravaged the Rockaways and my fragile brain (my migraines are inextricably linked to barometric pressure). I held on till Bobina’s 4th birthday party on the 10th, and deposited myself in the hospital the following morning. I’m fresh out of witty things to say about spending yet another week in the hospital. And I’m too tired to pretend that the fact that my head’s killing me again, two days after being discharged, is anything other than what it is…monstrous. It’s not funny and I don’t feel like being plucky or hopeful. And forgive me, but I just don’t wanna talk about lipstick today.
I will tell you this. #HandsomeGentleman was there. Every day. In excruciatingly well-cut suits, cheering me up with poems and festive hospital bed makeovers. The only ounce of worry I saw was by accident: I woke up at 3:30am one night to find him shockingly, randomly in a chair (I thought I was hallucinating), all furrow-browed and serious. I felt like Sleeping Beauty. For two seconds. Then I remembered what heavily doped-up slumber looks like, and was mortified. In any event, #HG was the only bright part of that terrible week and I plan to repay him in several pornographic ways very, very soon.
I will also tell you this. I couldn’t properly wash my face the entire time (I forgot my Garnier Cleansing Towelettes, fuck). And honestly, I didn’t even feel human enough to be appropriately grossed-out by this. I love you, and you love me, so I feel comfortable admitting that by Friday my pores were clogged, my complexion was cadaverous, and my forehead was a flakefest. There was even a fine little rash on my cheeks. Homeless skin. Shrug. It was all good; I knew exactly what to do. The second I got home (to a house strewn with limp princess party balloons and a trashcan flush with juice boxes), I ran an absurdly hot bath and slapped on Kiehls Rare Earth Pore Cleansing Mask ($23). Formulated for clogged, dull combination skin, it’s loaded with Amazonian White Clay and oatmeal which draws all the shit from your pores and sloughs off the flakes (but gently, so gently). Excellent combined with the steam from the bath, especially. Anyway, twenty minutes later I washed it off and my skin was BRIGHT. Supple. Shocking lifelike. You’re obviously not going to be in a situation where you’re not washing your face for days, but this stuff is also genius on hungover days, exhausted days, or right before a wedding or major date or an event where an ex will be in attendance. Try it.