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How to Seduce a Fancy Black Woman

I just had a very interesting conversation with a guy friend who’s a very adept lover of ladies. World class. Extra well-versed in all matters of moanin’ and bonin.’ I don’t have very many straight male friends, so the ones I do have, I enjoy excavating them for information. Anyway, so this guy, let’s call him PB (playboy, natch), had recently first-date-fucked this mutual friend of ours, a tough-as-nails, cold attorney and recent divorcee who everyone’s been trying to bone for ages. I couldn’t believe he even got her back to his house, let alone slept with her. Total ice queen, total I’m-not-sleeping-with-you-until-I-see-your-tax-returns kinda chick. Very clinical. I’m not sure I’ve even seen her smile.

So how did he seal the deal? I was dying to know…and then the question quickly became more general: How does one properly seduce an A+, bombass black woman these days?

Me: How did you even get her from drinks back to your house? I feel like, no matter how great the drinks are going, if you’re not bombed, the negotiations can be soooo awkward.

PB (eyeing me pityingly): Who’ve you been dating?

Me: No, sometimes even a guy suggesting we go to his or my apartment can break the spell and read as clumsy or gross. And then I say no, even if I wanted to sleep with him. And then I end up home eating tortilla chips and watching RHOBH in my tights and nothing else.

PB: You do that?

Me: I wanna know what you do with a chick on the first date. Step by step.

Go get her, Harry.

What he told me was so illuminating, I had to share it with you ladies. These five simple steps seem so obvious you won’t believe it works:

  • Gauge the situation at drinks or dinner; understand what kind of woman you’re dealing with. Does she want a man to throw her around a room, or to be Monsieur Breath Mints? Figure that out, and then you know how to broach the “let’s go to my/your place” transaction. If she wants to be dominated a bit, make a definitive statement. “I can make drinks better than this, let’s go to my place.” If she’s in the market for some sensitive-type lovah lovah, turn it into a question (sound a bit sheepish, but confident). Do not touch her, in either scenario.
  • Once in the cab or car, keep the conversation funny and light. No overtly sexual shit. That’s off-putting and creepy. This is all fun and games, nobody’s getting mauled or groped here.
  • Back at the apartment, engage in an activity. Kitchens are great for this. Make a drink (in plain view, so she knows you’re not slipping her a roofie); if you’re bookish, peruse the bookcase. Keep talking.

Me: About what, though?

PB: If you’re bad at talking to women, you already lost an hour ago.

  • Regarding the “I’m About to Fuck this Woman” playlist…yes, there is music, but it cannot be Trey Songz or Jodeci or, like, Usher. No hardcore slow jams. Nothing fast. And please God no neo-soul or R. Kelly. Do not take her out of the moment with a overt smooth groove. Just low-key background music, like slower hip-hop or something.
  • If a woman is seduced correctly, she should not realize she’s naked till her clothes are off. It should be that effortless. Don’t do anything until she lets you know you can take it there (and she will) – the lingering gaze, the hair toss, the big-laugh-accompanied-by-the thigh-graze-for-no-reason – but it’s your job to make it happen. Kiss her. Well. And don’t ask her if you can kiss her…just do it. Be standing up. You can take off all a woman’s clothes standing up. Sitting down, it’s all fumbly and awkward. After that, it’s a wrap. A sexy time had by all.

And that, my friends, is it from the horse’s mouth. Fascinating, right? I neglected to mention that while he was explaining this to me, I was totally naked. Haha, clearly kidding (sorry #HG xxoo). Anyway, I had to share. It’s kind of a lost art, no? The funny thing is…the best seducers have no idea that we’re LETTING them do this. We wanted it the whole time. It’s so nice to give up control sometimes and let a man be a fucking man. I gazelle, you lion. Raowr.

Happy Tuesday!  xxoo, Tia

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16 Comments

  1. Kierah
    November 27, 2012 10:46 am 

    This whole post took me back to a date I had years ago. Dude asked me back to his place. I told him there would be sheet pulling that night and no sleepovers either. Of course he STILL thought he had a chance. Once we got to the apt, I went to the bathroom to freshen my make-up. I swear I was only in there for 5 minutes. I get back and dude was in a wife beater, candles were lit, Jodeci was begging me to “Stay,” and he was pouring me a glass of wine. I busted out laughing! I was still chuckling in the lobby when I called a cab to go home 10 minutes later. #SeductionFail Too bad he was cute, but eau de desperation ain’t my scent. LOL!

    • Raven
      November 27, 2012 11:57 am 

      THIS has me leaning over on my desk laughing!!!! Wow…dude thought he was IN!

  2. Tiffiany
    November 27, 2012 11:38 am 

    My husband seduced me on our first date. Five years later, we’re still together.

  3. November 27, 2012 12:16 pm 

    I absolutely ADORE this blog post. I think every woman can relate to this… whether it ended with a home run or cab ride home (as the above commenter said). Either way, we’re very much active participants in things though it’s nice to have a man take charge.

  4. Swan
    November 27, 2012 11:28 pm 

    Sigh. Seduction is such a lost art! Great post!

  5. Tee
    November 28, 2012 1:04 pm 

    Geez I got Hot just reading this can I meet your friend?!! I’m just saying it’s been a min lol

  6. LisaLisa
    November 28, 2012 4:57 pm 

    I LOVE this new Tia. You are speaking to issues that affect many black women. BTW, I haven’t been sexily seduced EVER. I want a man to try to read me by making all the right moves, not knowing that I probably wanted to give it up to him the first second I laid eyes on him! lol.

    • jessie. jones
      April 13, 2015 1:27 pm 

      Here in Dallas Texas, it’s very hard to even give a pleasent greeting to my beatiful black women without them looking at me as if I’ve committed a crime. I’m a black man of 47 work hard , and well groomed, also very well manored. I would love to seduce a woman the right way. Just looking for the chance.

  7. CB
    November 29, 2012 6:55 pm 

    Wow! That guy stole my 33 year old playbook and published it. Those are the techniques from my teenage and very, very early twenties. Back then, you could not DIE from HIV-AIDS! Back then, we were still in the first date steal all the bases era of sexual escapades.

    Now days on the first date, are you CRAZY? Only a fool would even think of having sexual contact with anyone prior to knowing their sexual history. Nothing is worth risking my life over. Then again, I’ve been in a monogamous relationship for nearly 28 years with my wife (married for 24 of them) so the scenario not applicable to me. The baseball bat is only being used in the same ballpark and on the same opposing team.

    I feel sorry for those single people of today. To even think a woman would fall for the technique described by PB in 2012 amazes me. I have little pity for the adulterous urchins they deserve what they get however, their spouses don’t. How PB is able to pull this off is a testament to just how messed up and misguided our culture really is.

    From a former seasoned panty raider.

    • twilliams
      November 30, 2012 12:23 am 

      “Adulterous urchins!” **logs off**

  8. November 29, 2012 7:48 pm 

    Seduction is an art, and every husband is performer. Sadly, not all of them are good performers :))

  9. December 6, 2012 11:04 am 

    Great post, enjoyed it…good conversation starter that’s for sure.. : )

  10. Women Run It
    February 25, 2013 10:19 am 

    Laughing at men thinking they are “seducing”…bottom line she has decided from the first contact whether you will or will not hit the sheets.

    There are things men can do to keep the decision at a “yes”.

    If the decision is no, Nothing can change it. Nothing!!

  11. Man with a plan
    February 5, 2014 11:01 pm 

    Interesting but…admit you are not in control (if you are the man). Also, women are on the prowl, up for fun and excitement just like any man but much more discreet and strategic. She need to know you will not give her up to your friends or betray her trust. Be polite and confident. The music does matter. The atmosphere, burden free and smelling nice. Let go and let her make the first move. Although some women like dominance, they like to give the go ahead signal. Believe me, if she is with you – you’ve got a shot. Don’t blow it by overwhelming her.