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The Divorcee


Norma Shearer, The Divorcee (1930)

I don’t know if it’s the fetching, wind-whipped flush the cold has brought to my cheeks…or my crush on my clingily epic Inaugural Ball gown…or Downton Abbey…but I’m in such a romantic mood. Like, beauty-wise. I want a lit-from-within, “just received a proper boning” complexion! Impossibly long, battable, inky-black lashes! Hair that leaves a faint trace of fragrance in my wake! I want to be Norma Shearer in “The Divorcee,” languid with illicit love, murmuring things like “one more great romance will kill me, darling” while draped across a chaise lounge in a satiny robes and marcelled waves. I feel that the key to this moment are these three products. Try them. I DARE you not to feel like a romance novel heroine with a song in her heart and fire in her loins…

Talk to me, Talika.

Forget floppy, uber-obvious faux lashes…I add leading lady oomph to my lashes with Talika Lash Extender ($28). This pot of rayon, hair-like fibers adds crazy length to even the eensiest lashes. To use, you simply swipe on a coat of your fave mascara. Then tap the very ends of your lashes with the wand, adding the fibers to the ends of the hairs (this creates the illusion of length). Add a final coat to seal the fibers to your lashes, and you’ve got a wingspan that would rival Liza and Diana in their heyday. So romantique.

Just YES.

A pop of color on one’s cheeks is a must when rocking that “love goddess” thing. It denotes health, radiance, and three hours of game-changing sex. The late Kevyn Aucoin managed to encapsulate all of this into one perfect blush (and get into the name): Kevin Aucoin’s Creamy Moist Glow in Liquifuchsia ($24). I just got this last week, and I’m wondering how I’ve survived without it. Using my ring and eff-you fingers, I blend the color right onto the apples of my cheeks, and I swear I’m 25. Perfect on all brown skintones, too.

Mmm-mmm good.

Yes, Chanel No 5 Hair Mist ($58) is an extravagance. No it’s not necessary in life. But you know what? I work my ass off and I’m a damned good mother and I wash the dishes sometimes, so I deserve to pamper the fuck out of myself. This was my Christmas gift to me…and it was so worth it. Every morning, I flip my head upside down and spritz a little of Marilyn Monroe’s favorite fragrance at the nape of my neck (this is a hot zone…a pulse point, so it radiates the scent throughout my hair for hours), and voila, my hair smells like money and decadence and high class sex in Paris penthouses all day long. Worth every cent.

Love you guys! I’ll be back on Monday with tales from the Inaugural Ball…

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