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I Wore Sonia Kashuk’s Purple Seductia For This?

sonia kashuk purple seductia

This collection’s sold at Target! So fancy, so affordable.

Recently, I went through a dating phase. I suddenly felt like I wanted to approach my love life the way I do everything else…strategically, with intention. So I tried the online thing again. Let’s be clear, I don’t enjoy dating  — the older I get, the pickier I become (wait, you clap on the 1 and the 3? Sorry, my orifices are off limits to you). But I decided to stop being so silly and put myself #outthere. What ended up being my favorite part of my datingpalooza, though, was my beauty ritual before I met these fools. I became obsessed with Sonia Kashuk’s Bath and Body Collection; specifically, the Purple Seductia fragrance. I initially picked that scent because it sounded like it would’ve been Apollonia’s superhero name…but then I fell hard for the pomegranate/rose/patchouli sensuousness of it all! I’d soak in bath bubbles c/o the Shower Gel, apply the Body Oil from head to toe, and then float away on the musky-fruity deliciousness.

It smelled incredible. I smelled incredible. And I didn’t do it for the guys — smelling delicious made me feel luscious, invincible. Like, who cares if the date’s a shitshow?  I’m Purple Seductia, bitch!

Speaking of shitshow dates. I met a beautiful man. Tall, good shoulders, piercing green eyes with off-duty indie actor swag. He was raised on a tent commune by two lesbians in Berkeley, a total feminist, super-into uplifting disenfranchised kids. I was fascinated. We texted and talked on the phone for  a minute, and finally decided to meet for dinner. During which he revealed that he didn’t believe in “gender roles.” I took this to mean that he felt women should get equal pay, or something. No. What it meant was that when I fake tried to insist that I pay for dinner, he was like, “Cool!”


So yeah, I paid for our first dinner, friends. I agreed to a second date ONLY because when he kissed me, I felt it in my pedicure. On the next, we went to the movies. The escalator was broken and we walked up five flights of stairs to get to the theater. When we sat down, the trailers had just started.

Me: Hey, do you want popcorn? I think I want some.

Him: Cool!

Me, in my head, (oh no, not “cool” again)

Him: I’ll sit here and watch our stuff.

Me: Oh! You’ll…

Him: Yeah, I’ll hold our seats.

Stunned, I walked down five flights of stairs, stood in a three thousand person line, got the popcorn, climbed up all those steps again, and, totally winded, plopped down next to him. Gravity had already started! I looked at him, incredulous. DID YOU REALLY JUST FORCE YOUR SONIA KASHUK-SCENTED DATE TO HIKE TO VERMONT FOR HER TASTY REFRESHMENT? MAKING HER MISS THE BEGINNING OF THIS TRIUMPH OF NAUSEA PORN (I hated that movie…Sandy Bullock panting for two oxygen-deprived hours is not entertainment)?? That was the end of him. And it was a shame, too. Such a pretty man, with electric lips.

Would you date a man who allowed you to even reach for your wallet on a first date? Or am I being a princess?



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  1. Kym
    January 16, 2014 9:39 pm 

    I dated a guy for 4 years that allowed me to reach for my wallet EVERY TIME we went out. Even on a trip to Las Vegas. Its seems once you start it will never stop. Which is sad.

    • January 17, 2014 9:56 am 

      No you weren’t being a princess. The audacity!!! Even if he really does believe in full equality, then you SPLIT the check. Same as you would have with a girlfriend. He sounds like a freeloading chump. Maybe he’s not dating material… More like make out in a park when I’m bored material? 🙂

  2. Audrey Whitaker
    January 16, 2014 10:18 pm 

    I am a card carrying femenist but I believe the only time a woman should pay on a date is NEVER!!

    The one exception is if the guy is seriously (temporarily) strapped for cash, like is he’s in school or has a really low paying job but he’s an 8 to 10 in all other areas.

    But usually these temp cash strapped types are the most willing to work it out …. They will save up, fix you dinner or plan dates that don’t take much cash …. and that type of dude you can work with BUT those cheap dudes that have money!!!

  3. January 16, 2014 10:25 pm 

    I cannot believe you agreed to a second date, or even paid for the first one. Or walked down five flights for popcorn. SMH. And Gravity was like Open Water in space.

    • gg
      January 17, 2014 8:43 am 

      ^^^^this!!! tia tia tia you are too beautiful and smart for this!!! smh but i love your dating stories!!

      • twilliams
        January 17, 2014 10:11 am 

        Smart has nothing to do with it 🙂 I wish I could reveal the REAL reason I entertained this person for a second date…but alas, I am a lady.

        • kia
          February 5, 2014 4:23 pm 

          bwhahaaha! tia, we could only imagine!! he must know his super powers

  4. shesaidit
    January 16, 2014 11:11 pm 

    Feminism is good. He was honest. . .he doesn’t believe in gender roles. So for once you get a guy who doesn’t assume you have to put out because you dated or stay home with the kids because you procreated (IF he was honest about his stance) and you’re complaining because he didn’t subscribe to gender roles when you wanted him to. You have to pick a team and stick to it. It doesn’t apply only when you want it to. What would concern me is his movie & popcorn bit. Not subscribing to gender roles is one thing but it doesn’t mean do the total opposite either. Either he played a cruel joke on you or he was heart attack serious about his gender role issue and plans not to do anything expected of a man. . .because it’s generally expected of his gender. In that case he is completely sarcastic and ridiculously lazy.

  5. January 17, 2014 12:11 am 

    Oh honey, good that you got rid of him! You deserve much better! xoxo

  6. January 17, 2014 1:14 am 

    While I don’t think you were being a princess, I also don’t believe you should have offered to pay out of courtesy if you didn’t genuinely want to pay. It doesn’t sound like he was by any means being rude, just not a chivalrous man.

    It’s one of those things that is hit or miss. Some women won’t mind, others will. It sounds like you want a man that is chivalrous and equipped with traditional manners. Turns out you got the new age guy, but were expecting old school mentalities lol… Maybe his 2 moms raised him to believe women were capable and should actually do things themselves. Who knows lol… at least you got a kiss that made your toes curl, blog fodder, and some additional cardio lol.

  7. Jenn
    January 17, 2014 11:18 pm 

    If a guy can’t pay he can’t date me. I paid once on a date and it was the last time I saw that guy. My parents been married over 40 years and my mother never paid for date night. According to my dad a man that can’t cover the cost of your dinner def can’t cover the cost of your heart. No pay no play homie!

  8. January 18, 2014 12:44 am 

    No, No and more No!! I’m so mad that he made you walk back down all those stairs to get popcorn because his cheap self didn’t want to pay for it. I’ve had to learn the hard way not to be too generous with people because they WILL take advantage.

  9. January 22, 2014 10:11 am 

    Situations like this has happened to before. Even when your stunned you have to play it off lol just stay cool and then when you get home DELETE…DELETE DELETE!!!

  10. kia
    February 5, 2014 5:38 pm 

    not a princess at all! if i pay or we even go dutch, no second date for me. i, too, love your dating tales 😉

  11. Gina
    February 15, 2014 2:21 pm 

    He should’ve split the bill or take turns! Rude. Next time a man says he doesn’t believe in gender roles, remind him that women still earn about 80% of what men earn – even when we’re doing the same jobs. So him paying is basically just his small contribution to correcting the pay equity issue!

  12. busybeautygal
    March 2, 2014 9:49 am 

    I’m just gettig caught up on my SYB reading, so I’m just seeing this but this story is facinating because i had a VERY simikar experience. I dated a guy last year that told me he didn’t believe in gender roles (this must be the new thing guys are saying now, the year before i kept hearing these guys saying they were all bad commmunicators), and yet he had a ‘what i say is the last word’ mentality. We also went to see the movie Gravity, and when i returned to my seat from the bathroom beforen the previews he said, ‘oh look, i’ve already finished half of my drink, can you go get me a refill?’ My response was, ‘Now? You want me to get up now and go get you a refill now?’ And when he said yes, i knew we wouldn’t last very long. Totally feelijg your pain, but you definitely did the right thing.