I was going to write about something else today, but is there anything else today? I just got a flurry of emails demanding that I comments on this fakakta Vogue cover, so here goes. I’ve been clear about my feelings re: Kimye in the past…though they’ve definitely calmed down. Yes, I think they’re a criminally self-satisfied, wildly overdone, bull-in-a-china-shop, pop culture hemorrhage of a couple — like a Ryan Seacrest fever dream sprung to life — but I mind them less. I think it’s North. Happy, loved babies always make me give even the most insufferable parents the benefit of the doubt. Fuck it, I’ll admit to watching their engagement special on E! and welling up a bit. And I created an exhaustive six-months-long series on VH1.com dedicated to Kim’s maternity wardrobe (even though the shit he made her wear was bonkers, I hated the flack she was getting for her weight. Wanted to throw some supportive mommy energy her way). They’re fine, whatever.
This Vogue thing? First of all, Anna Wintour. No ma’am. You were supposed to be the one who held out. In this I-have-a-blog-now-I’m-a-fashion-expert climate, I love how Anna maintains such old school fashion mag snobbery (after all, how do you know something’s exclusive if everyone has access to it?)! Vogue is not the place for the Kimye show. And for me, it isnt even about Kim. I actually respect Kim. She’s tacky and her face is now a freak show — but she’s a savvy businesswoman, successfully manages an empire, and is a trillionaire in her own right. Why is she not worthy of Vogue coverage? Is it because she’s untalented? Because she’s consorted with an exhausting number of athletes and rappers? Carla Bruni fucked every rock star on the planet — Vogue loved her, and she married the French president. Peek into Jerry Hall’s past. Or Kate Hudson (whew, the things I’ve heard), who Vogue can’t get enough of. Or Nicole Richie. When people call her a “ho,” it’s so dumb. Stop slut-shaming and go get you some.
No, my problem with the cover is Kanye. You know Anna made this happen because she was sick of his mouth. He’s been campaigning for this since the moment he wifed Kim up (probably before). You know it’s true. His thirst for fancy white credibility is so palpable, so all-consuming and blinding that he can’t even think straight. Son, you’re KANYE WEST. Who gives a fuck what the PR chick at Louis Vuitton or French Elle market editors think about you? Why are you so amped to get their attention? You know he’s in a Four Seasons lobby bathroom somewhere, gazing lustily at the cover and jerking off. He wanted this more he wanted Kim. And to me, that’s sad. That’s anti-fashion, and Anna’s wack for indulging in it. We invested so much in Kanye — we loved him, his talent, his attitude, his style, everything that was organic to him — and he’s so unimpressed with that love, you guys. This is all he wanted.
How about this one: Kanye adamantly, famously refused to show his daughter on E!, but has allowed her to be photographed and filmed for Vogue’s media channels? What, because it was chicer? A cuter anecdote to drop while ki-king with Alexander Wang? I’m so embarrassed for him.
That said, I’m off to read the issue…