Three weeks ago, I was a chaperone on a kindergarten field trip. It was to a farm — and I was wearing a strong lip and shades — so I was definitely on my Betty Draper. Lina and her buddies were adorable times ten, but my loyal SYB Babes will probably guess that I’m not a farm person. Actually, I don’t even love being outside for too long, unless there’s a grill, ocean, or pool really, really close. I’M PRISSY. And farms just seem unclean. Not my jam. So, as I’m walking around the muddy grounds in absolutely the wrong footwear (they said to wear sneakers, so I wore animal print Supra high tops!), holding hands with Bobina and dodging flies, I started to tune out a little bit. I was thinking of plot points for my never-ending novel and counting the minutes until lunch, when our tour rolled up on the cows. Someone’s dirty child asked a question about udders — and all I could think was, THAT HEIFER’S LASHES ARE SNATCHED. Seriously, cows have the longest, thickest, most luxurious lashes. I was jelly.
So, I went home and did some homework. My lashes are neither long nor thick, which needed to change. I immediately wrote myself a lash-lengthening prescription: Sa Palette Authentic Eyelash & Eyebrow Growth Formula, and Maybelline’s brand new Pumped Up Colossal Volum’Express Mascara (which makes you look like you’ve just gotten lash extensions).
BEHOLD!! Can you stand it?
Not a single eyelash curler was involved in the creation of this pic. Amazing.