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Black (Liner) is Beautiful!

Physicians-Formula-Shimmer-Strips-Custom-Eye-Enhancing-Kohl-Kajal-Eyeliner-Universal-Looks-Collection

Hey muchachitas,

The other day, I was getting a pedicure at my girl’s fancy Brooklyn salon Polish Bar, when I got a call from a 516 number. I know immediately who it was — Beth Israel Hospital, calling to kindly ask me to pay several bills that I have no intention of paying (you wouldn’t believe the amount of medical expenses I have. I could a afford a very modest studio in East Flatbush with the money I spend. I need Drake to sponsor me). Anyway, I felt self-conscious taking this call in public, like everyone was going to know I was a bill-dodger, so I actually entertained her this time.

Lady: Write down this account number and get back to us, asap.

Me: I don’t have a pen. Hold on, I have eyeliner.

I fished in my makeup bag, and pulled out Physicians Formula Shimmer Strips Kohl Kajal Eyeliner Trio in Nude Eyes. It comes with a gold shimmer, a brown, and a black.

Lady: Eyeliner?

Me: Yeah, I’ll just use the brown one. No one wears brown liner anyway.

And then the salon erupted into a riot of brown liner hate speech.

NO ONE USES BROWN LINER, RIGHT? GIRL, BROWN LINER’S ABSURD! BROWN LINER’S THE REDHEADED STEPCHILD OF EYE PENCILS! BROWN LINER STAYS GETTING NO LOVE! DOWN WITH BROWN! WHAT HAS BROWN DONE FOR YOU LATELY?

Look at this liner!! Obvs, it's the black one.

Look at this liner!! Obvs, it’s the black one.

It was so funny. I didn’t know women felt so strongly about this. Anyway, the brown pencil might’ve been a throwaway, but there was no way in hell I’d have sullied the other two in this genius pack. I might go so far as to say these are the most effective pencils I’ve ever experienced. Creamy and rich, but with real staying power. Highly, highly pigmented. And the tips are tapered so finely, it’s easy to create a flawless line. And the coppery-gold shade is STUNNING blended in your inner corners (brightens your whole face). Whether your liner taste is more Liz Taylor or Joan Jett, these clever little sticks will turn you out.

xoxo,

T

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6 Comments

  1. May 21, 2014 9:10 am 

    Haha! Yep—no love for the brown liner. I’m surprised it gets made so often. Even my fair skinned blonde friends wear black liner.

    • twilliams
      May 21, 2014 9:11 am 

      RIGHT? No blonde I know wears brown. Down with brown.

  2. May 21, 2014 9:23 am 

    For once, Tia — I am not here for you. Sorry love, but brown is the secret weapon. Especially a haphazardly placed smudge to the lower lash line. Not all in the waterline like it’s 1987…you want that bad boy to smolder with a light rub into the actual lashes.Girl, he will think you woke up like this! Sorry not sorry, but we can’t be friends anymore, Tia. And these women up in Polish Bar, well — may our paths never cross. Conversely, I am here for black liner on the upper lash line (my one-handed cat eye is LEEgendary.

    [all jokes, love you forever!…but i’m serious about brown]

    • twilliams
      May 21, 2014 9:43 am 

      BUT HOW DOES IT EVEN SHOW UP, FELICIA? Brown liner on brown skin is totally redundant! Lmaoo…you said “waterline.” That’s one of my favorite beauty words. It’s not used enough. God, I love you, even though I’ll fight you in the street over this particular topic.

  3. May 21, 2014 9:23 am 

    ugh, why is my old weave pic my default profile pic?!! wahhh!! lol

  4. angelita
    June 6, 2014 12:06 pm 

    So I went hunting for this liner because when Tia says get something you go get it. One it is fantastic. Two they have a set that is warm nude eyes.It is great. It has gold, bronze, black fyi.