The other day, I was getting a pedicure at my girl’s fancy Brooklyn salon Polish Bar, when I got a call from a 516 number. I know immediately who it was — Beth Israel Hospital, calling to kindly ask me to pay several bills that I have no intention of paying (you wouldn’t believe the amount of medical expenses I have. I could a afford a very modest studio in East Flatbush with the money I spend. I need Drake to sponsor me). Anyway, I felt self-conscious taking this call in public, like everyone was going to know I was a bill-dodger, so I actually entertained her this time.
Lady: Write down this account number and get back to us, asap.
Me: I don’t have a pen. Hold on, I have eyeliner.
I fished in my makeup bag, and pulled out Physicians Formula Shimmer Strips Kohl Kajal Eyeliner Trio in Nude Eyes. It comes with a gold shimmer, a brown, and a black.
Me: Yeah, I’ll just use the brown one. No one wears brown liner anyway.
And then the salon erupted into a riot of brown liner hate speech.
NO ONE USES BROWN LINER, RIGHT? GIRL, BROWN LINER’S ABSURD! BROWN LINER’S THE REDHEADED STEPCHILD OF EYE PENCILS! BROWN LINER STAYS GETTING NO LOVE! DOWN WITH BROWN! WHAT HAS BROWN DONE FOR YOU LATELY?
It was so funny. I didn’t know women felt so strongly about this. Anyway, the brown pencil might’ve been a throwaway, but there was no way in hell I’d have sullied the other two in this genius pack. I might go so far as to say these are the most effective pencils I’ve ever experienced. Creamy and rich, but with real staying power. Highly, highly pigmented. And the tips are tapered so finely, it’s easy to create a flawless line. And the coppery-gold shade is STUNNING blended in your inner corners (brightens your whole face). Whether your liner taste is more Liz Taylor or Joan Jett, these clever little sticks will turn you out.