andy warhol

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Red Lips, a Dealbreaker?

Red Lips, a Dealbreaker?

When a problem comes along, you must lip it…


We all know I’m a beauty girl.  I do enjoy fashion, but for me, epic highlights or a show-stopping nail or somesuch is vastly more delightful to me than copping the new Isabel Marant Kate Wedge Boots (though I really want those, too, goddamnit).  You also know that in terms of makeup, I’m partial to bronzey, sunkissed neutrals.  Copper-kissed lids, peachy-bronze cheeks and lashes DOWN.  But lips?  Lips are a different story.  Since I keep the rest of my face so sparkly-nude, I’m always pushing for a bold n’ brilliant lip.  Think vivid velvety crimson, take-no-prisoners tangerine, bubblegum pink for your nerves, etc.  Lips as event

You can imagine my disappointment when Handsome Gentleman revealed in one of our first conversations that he is not a fan of event lips.

[Wait…who’s Handsome Gentleman?  Eagle-eyed SYB Babes might have noticed that I’ve mentioned him here and there.  Quick back story:  HG is a dizzyingly charming and hot person with whom I went on one date in August.  The date was disturbingly good, but I was prepared to relegate it to a tasty little footnote, since I was having surgery four days later and was going to be in recovery for two weeks.  I was about to be a swollen, disfigured, hypermedicated mess and in no shape for a second date, so what was the point?  Turns out, I didn’t have a choice.  HG refused to stay away, even though my face resembled the Great Pumpkin.  He visited, we FaceTimed.  He wooed, I swooned.  And the moral of the story is, everyone should try meeting someone when they’re at their most busted.  It’s instant sink or swim, and it seems I have a Lochte on my hands. #wheeee]


My new obsesh, Nars’ Kiss Mini Larger Than Life Lip Gloss Coffret ($55, at Sephora). How can HG not appreciate the GENIUS of these poppy, Warhol-inspired shades? Arrgh!! **shakes fist at the heavens**


Anyway, yeah, before he’d even seen me in a fierce fuschia gloss, he revealed the following in a random convo about unenjoyable makeout sessions.

HG:  …and I just remember that she had this really greasy, really bright orange lipstick on and it was just all bad.

Me:  So, what was bad, the greasiness or the brightness?

HG:  Both, but really the brightness.  Loud lips…why?

Me, not understanding the question:  Why?  Wait…you don’t think loud lips are sexy?

HG:  I mean…I feel like it looks like a woman’s overcompensating for some reason.  I don’t know, I just like natural beauty.  If you’re naturally beautiful, you wouldn’t need to go so hard.

Me, thinking: Silly man, how little you know of women and their primping habits.  It takes thirty minutes to create the ‘natural beauty’ of which you speak.

Me:  It’s not about needing to wear bold lips, it’s about wanting to.  It’s a trend, it’s chic!

HG:  Says who?

Me:  Women and gay men.

HG:  People who are uninterested in kissing you.

Fair enough.  But now I feel stuck.  I am soooooooooooo not about to change my style for a man.  I attempted to do this when I was married, and we all know how that ended.  And yet…if I know HG isn’t excited about kissing lips slathered in Make Up Forever Iconic Red Aqua Rouge, then why would I wear it?  Of course, in all fairness, he’s never seen me in it…I have a feeling that he’d find me quite kissable slathered in mustard.  Sigh.  Such a conundrum.  How do you feel about this?