Kim Kardashian

2 articles
Eww. I Really Dislike Kimye.

Eww. I Really Dislike Kimye.

Why do I hate you so much?

Up until recently, I’ve had no patience for Kimmy hate.  Wayminute…I’m not saying I’m on her #team or anything, just saying that hating on her is more indicative of one’s own issues than hers.  Yeah, she’s boring and has negligible intelligence and is lying, just lying, about her ass and the wedding thing was fucking Satanic…but honestly?  If you had an evil genius Doberman-ager mom who promised to turn your supernaturally stunning looks and embarrassingly slackjawed sex tape into a bazillion dollar business – would you say no?

Madame, you’re lying.  You know you’d be all over it.  So don’t judge.

And yet here I come.  Judging.  I don’t know, yesterday I was lazily scrolling through my Twitter feed and noticed this:

@KimKardashian Rain rain go away.

A very small, benign statement that sent me careening over the edge.  Look, I know I’ve tweeted some dumb shit.  But I don’t think I – or any of the patently amazing women I know – would ever glance at a cloudy, grey sky and even think “rain rain go away,” let alone take it to Twitter.  Kim!  You big dummy!  This is the great wit that’s mesmerized the most lauded creative genius of our time?  When black women were furious about her boning all those black athletes, I couldn’t have cared less.  What sucks is that she bagged the genius.

 

 

Then I proceeded to get annoyed at her for all kinds of things she can’t even help (I can’t pay my mortgage?  Yo fuck Kim Kardashian!!).  But seriously, beyond the intelligence inequity, I hate the look of Kimye.  To a generation of young black girls, they reinforce the idea that they never have a chance with the A+ black man — because all he wants is an ethnically ambiguous blow up doll (I won’t even get into a bar conversation I overhead, where a group of black finance douches listed their girlfriend requirements – the top of which was that the girl be mixed with something “exotic.”  Plain old mulatto isn’t even poppin’ anymore!  And a “regular” black chick?  Invisible…no matter how beautiful, intelligent or charming).  Kanye doesn’t want a dazzling black woman, a girl that looks like his beloved mom – and this is not helping the self esteem of the teen girls doing unsavory things to afford slapping the world’s worst weave in their heads, or inflating their asses to kartoonish proportions.  And really, Yeezy?  You’re a writer, a lyricist, a poet!  RAIN RAIN GO AWAY?

I will not address ClosetMakeoverGate.  We’d be here all day.

Here’s hoping twelve-year old black girls skip over this Kimye debacle and fetishize Michelle and Barack, instead.  Or Jay and Bey (I’d say Denzel and Paulette, but they’re so Nineties — and besides he cheated on her so extravagantly that they no longer count).  Both A+ black men who fell for their equals, their exact counterparts.  That’s hot.  Kim and Kanye are financial equals (and there’s something to be said for that), but that’s it.  Eww.  I just hate them.


Q&A Thursday: The Kardashian & Ko. Undereye Glow

Q&A Thursday: The Kardashian & Ko. Undereye Glow

Q: I want that glowy, highlighted undereye area a’la Kim Kardashian and her sisters. Bobbi Brown concealer is great to cover darkness, but to lighten? CRICKETS. Everytime I try, I just pile on products and end up with an undereye clusterfuzz. Help!  — Nicole

TheGlow.com.

A: Swear to god, Kim and Ko. fully changed the makeup game with their luminous undereye situations. Who doesn’t want to look lit-from-within in precisely the place where you look the most tired, sallow and toe-up? I was discussing this very thing last night with celeb makeup artist Michael D. Patterson, while he expertly beat my face backstage at Origins’ third annual Earth Month concert. I was thrilled to be Origins’ “green carpet girl,” interviewing celebs like the itty-bitty Bachelorette and Sophia Bush (who didn’t remember me shooting her in ’02 for Teen People) and showing off my new coral lace frock!

I was so excited about my little dress -- and then my sister Lauren was like, "Cuuute! I saw Jennie Garth's 14 year old daughter wearing the very same one at the Teen Choice Awards!" I am a perpetual ninth grader.

Aaaanyway…I asked Michael for tips on how to get that Kardashian undereye glow, and he immediately whipped out MAC Prep + Prime Highlight Pen in Bright Forecast ($23). “It’s all about the Prep + Prime Pen,” he whispered in a conspiratorial tone. “It’s not shimmery, like most highlighters, which is key. This brightens and illuminates the area, instead of depositing a bunch of sparkle. Passe.”

Absolutely.

“So, to get the look,” he continued, “apply your everyday concealer to cover the dark spots, and then layer Prep + Prime over the area. If you really wanna werk? Kim’s makeup artist is all about triangles. After applying concealer, use the pen to trace a large “V” shape under the eye, the wide part stretching from either end of your eye, the point hitting your cheekbone. Then fill-in with the pen and blend really well. You’ll be so bright you won’t know what to do with yourself. Living.”

Radiant Forecast, the peachy one at the bottom